Living in the Now

I don’t think I’ve ever lived “in the now”. I am either analyzing the past or anticipating the future. I feel like living in the now is a waste of time. That sounds crazy and  kind of depressing, but for as long as I can remember I’m either saying, “Kid, remember that time!” or “Oh my god imagine if…”. I don’t want to talk about now or analyze now or think about now because now means reality. Reality is scary, boring, and oh my god…real. I’m never really here. I mean I’m here, but not here here. Imagine it this way: You know how you’re in a class and you’re listening to the professor speak, but you’re also thinking about the homework you have to do and what kind of chips you’re going to get with your 6 inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki, and then you start thinking about that time in 11th grade when your friend made a rap at Subway (HAHAHAHAHA PUN MOST DEFINITELY INTENDED) and then all of this leads to a 50 minute miscellaneous thinking session. This happens to me all the damn time. I mean, I’m pretty sure this happens to everyone, but this is like a 24/7 thing. I don’t know how some people can sit and take in everything,  and respond back in less than 30 seconds. I like to really think about what is said to me. Give me a good 2-3 minutes to really try and understand what you said. I don’t want to misinterpret your message and I definitely don’t want to give you a bullshit, meaningless answer. As the great Ron Swanson once said, “Never half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing.” That’s exactly it. I don’t like wasting time and I really loathe valueless statements, so why tell someone something I don’t mean? (Unless that someone is a mean, five-headed 13 year old girl in my 7th grade gym class, then I’ll give you all the false information that I’ve got). Like I said earlier, living in the now means reality and reality is eh. I’m at the point in life where I am dramatic about reality and wish that things were like how it used to be in the good old days. Until right now I am starting to realize that I have no idea how the “good old days” were like. When the hell were the good days anyway?! I went through what I like to call the Bougie Vintage Basic Bitch Phase (BVBBP) in 11th grade. The Bougie Vintage Basic Bitch Phase is when one listens to The Beatles, purchases an Abbey Road poster AND an Audrey Hepburn poster, watches black and white films on TCM, and reblogs pictures of happy couples in front of the Eiffel Tower. How freaking basic can you get. Its kind of like when people put Marylin Monroe quotes as their Facebook status. Not only was that sad, but it was also a lesson. I need to not dwell on the past too much and over think what MIGHT happen in the future. I’m starting to figure out that it’s okay to examine the past, but not to get stuck in it (history nerd probz). My personal past and the world’s past. I can fantasize and imagine about the future, but in order to make those fantasies and dreams a reality, I’ve got to start doing things right now for right now. CUE HAPPY x ASHANTI

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