I know, I know, I haven’t posted anything in over 7 months and by over 7 months I mean 7 months and 1 day. Here’s an updated picture of myself in case you forget what I look like:
Jk, that’s Rudy Huxtable. I’ve had the same face since the 90s so don’t even worry about it. There are many reasons why I haven’t written in a while. In the summer, I worked, studied abroad, and held an internship. I was going to write about all those things but then I didn’t. Then the fall semester began. I was taking 5 classes, working, and serving on 2 executive boards. I was going to write during the fall semester but then I didn’t. You know what I did? I watched Grey’s Anatomy. With the little free time I had, I watched Grey’s freaking Anatmoy. Did I regret it? Hell no. [SIDE NOTE: Grey’s Anatomy will change your life but it will also change your sleeping schedule. Drastically.] So now it’s January and I’m on winter break. Winter break during college is the most ridiculous thing ever. You stay home for 4-5 weeks. Sounds fun right? Until the holidays are over and you’re sleeping until 3:00 p.m. Then you’re scared to leave your room because you know someone (mother) will make you wash the dishes 5 times in one day or go to Stop & Shop 3 days in a row to pick up chicken broth. Even my sacred Law and Order: SVU marathons get boring (sorry Dick Wolf). Then I remembered that sometimes in life we’re allowed to write for fun, so here I am. Writing. For fun.
Okay, that was awkward and it was awkward because I’m circling around the issue. What is the issue? I had writer’s block for 7 months. Not only did I have writer’s block, I had social interaction block, and happy block. I had many blocks. I honestly don’t know why this all happened because great things happened in 2013. Like things I would have never expected to happened to me happened at the time. I performed stand-up, went to CABO VERDE, had an internship at my all-time favorite local news station, flew a plane, climbed Mt. Everest, had lunch with Michelle Obama (you get the point). Yet, I felt shitty. The worst feeling to feel is shitty. It’s just…shitty. I was feeling weird for 7 months. As the great poet/rapper Rich Home Quan once said I was feeling “some type of way.”
During the fall semester I learned A LOT both inside and outside of the classroom. Up until recently, I had assumed that most people that I interacted with understood my goals my vision for life. I still believed in best friends forever, everyone wants a peaceful world, yadda yadda. Last year, I took risks for the first time. I didn’t realize that taking risks lead to surprises. Risk-taking sounds so simple when you see it on a Drake meme. My biggest risk was competing in a stand-up competition. I won and I opened up for one of my favorite comedians. Then I did more stand-up and it was awesome. Then I competed in a show in November and I came in 3rd. I felt like a loser (maybe because I did lose). I realized that surprise, surprise, I am not a professional…yet. I JUST started. It’s okay if I lose & I better be prepared to lose because I have MANY things to learn. I didn’t realize this until about 10 minutes ago. Then December came and life really happened. My grandfather passed away. Then the next day someone stole my wallet. I could care less about my wallet. It’s just the fact that my grandfather was gone and less than 24 hours later someone took something away from. It could’ve been a pencil and I still would’ve been annoyed. Up until my grandfather’s passing I never had to experience a death in the family. In the back of my mind, I really thought my grandfather would live to be 100 years old. The man was a saint who loved everyone and genuinely cared for all. I thought by him being the nicest person I know he would be here for a while. Then I found out about other things that the Internet & NSA don’t need to know about. In the last 7 months, I realized that’s not human-like. I wasn’t being realistic. There were many positives and negatives in the last 7 months. I’m used to having just positives in my life because I used to schedule everything. If I didn’t like someone I would distance myself and end the friendship with no explanaition. If I try to schedule my entire life, I will go crazy. Everything will be predictable and that’s a sad life to live. Failure is inevitable and that is not a bad thing. I need to fail. Failures are realizations. Realizing that I need to step it up and that there’s always room for improvement. I need to not be afraid to write, to make jokes, to try new things even if they’re not on my schedule. Life is complicated but so is season 15 of Law and Order: SVU but I still watch it. That’s what you do when you really love something; you keep moving.